Are you threatened by the lifestyle change your spouse has made?
Have you ever said things to your spouse about their lifestyle change that has made them feel bad?
I have to tell this story that really happened just a few weeks ago. I was having a discussion with a friend; we’ll call Sam, about my transformation and lifestyle change. He had a lot of questions, which I was happy to answer. But wasn’t sure where he was going with this line of questions. Finally, we came to the point of his inquiry. He told me about a mutual friend of ours named Jett, who is morbidly obese. I had seen Jett myself recently and honestly; his poor health broke my heart. Sam told me that Jett had been working on his health a few years back. He had been going to the gym and was trying to eat better. I was super excited to hear this, but I had to ask why he stopped. Apparently he was making some progress and had lost just enough weight for it to be noticeable. That’s when the support at home ended! Jett’s wife had suggested that he was going to lose all this weight, get sexy and leave her. You can probably guess what he did. He stopped going to the gym and gave up any progress that he had made and gained back all of his weight if not more.
This story is devastating to me, absolutely devastating. The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get. I’m confused about why Jett didn’t talk with his wife about the situation to ease her fears? Why he didn’t explain that he was doing it to be a better husband to her? I’m confused about why she would completely sabotage his progress like that? Would she rather see him dead?
I suppose situations like this happen more often than I would like to think; Spouses sabotaging each other for the sake of their own insecurities. Anybody trying to change their life could deal with this at some point of their journey.
So how do we deal with this when it happens??
As always suggested before you begin any physical fitness program, seek your doctor’s approval. I suggest seeing the doctor first simply because that is the best place to start. If you and those around you know how bad your health really is, maybe the support will be there, right? If Jett’s wife really knew all that his body is going through just to make it through each day, and how the sad reality of where he is headed if he continues to neglect his health, maybe that support would be there for change.
I would like to suggest to you today that you get your entire family involved in this journey to health. You will find so many rewards with the entire family on the journey with you.
How do we get the entire family involved? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Talk with your spouse about your plans. Be HONEST with yourself first and foremost. Be HONEST about how you feel inside. Be HONEST if you are unhappy with the way you look and the way you feel. Talk about where you want to be and how you want to get there together. Communicate these plans up front so everybody is on the same page. Rely on each other, rely on your children (if you have any) to hold you accountable. Getting your plans out in the open is the absolute best way to start this journey!
2. Trips to the grocery store – take the entire family. Start looking at labels for ingredients; share this with your spouse and kiddos. Teach your children and each other what the healthier choice is. This step has the added benefit of spending time together. Sometimes my wife would rather I not be with them, simply because I’m always causing some commotion at the store. Singing, dancing, you name it, we do it, and we have fun doing it!
3. Workout together – side by side when possible. I know that not all workouts can be done like this, BUT I suggest you make an effort. If there are kids in the home, get them involved as well when possible. Let them see the effort you are putting toward a healthy lifestyle.
4. Make it FUN – It is a journey that lasts the rest of your life, ENJOY IT.
I wonder if I share these ideas with Jett, if it could have an impact on his approach to regaining his health and easing his wife’s fears. I have to wonder if Jett’s wife would join him to make their marriage better. I wonder if, when told the gravity of the problem, would she be onboard with the changes?