January 26th, 2015
What you are about to read is an actual text conversation I had with a person I mentor.
I am sharing this(with permission of the other party) because this is POWERFUL stuff. I am confident that somebody will read this and vision themselves in the exact same place in life. Sometimes, just knowing that you aren’t the only person on the planet that feels like you do is all it takes to begin to change your life.
This person does have weight to lose, we’ve not really talked about that yet. They are working on being healthy on the inside first. I’ve learned that this will help the weight loss process greatly. It is a process, all of it, but my goal for those I work with is to learn how to be healthy on the inside and out. “Transformed Inside and Out”
Message I sent just to touch base in the morning.
Happy Saturday enjoy your family today
The response I got:
Thank you. Having breakfast late but I actually got to have a natural nights sleep. Haven’t had one in a very long time. I used to have to take a sleep aid now I am down to melatonin 3 MG. It feels great to be honest. I have thousands of miles to go but baby steps is great.
I responded with:
Whoa. That’s a giant step forward.. Congrats.
One life season at a time.
I think Siri played a role in this message. This person understands the change. Understands they are starting over:
Thank you. I don’t if for you it may feel like you’re making an impact on my life, but having you there means more than you can imagine. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you for helping me by leading me through the kindergarten journey I’m in. I say that because I’m basically having to start life over. And for you I’m grateful and much more blessed. Enjoy your family as well.
Later in the day just going about my day I get the following message:
Pulled my treadmill out. Dusted it off. Taking a 30 min walk. I haven’t ran since HS. HATED IT. But now it’s like to one day attempt it.
I was blown away with the message and it made me smile. I couldn’t resist my smartalic response though. It’s what I do. Hehe:
Who is this??
My phone says a name….but they haven’t had the will to do anything, let alone walk on the treadmill
They responded with the following:
You have taught me in this little time that I can be my worst or best version of myself. Shedding of the worst version little by little! Can’t wait to meet that version I’ve only dreamed of. Now heading towards here and this time with guidance and positive crave!
By this time my mind was blown to pieces. When somebody I mentor begins to “get it”, it makes me proud for them. Proud they are understanding what has to happen to truly change their life. My response was this:
Wow I love this stuff!!!
It’s like you’ve been in a dark Forrest. Wandering. Not caring. Nobody cares. Now you can see a tiny tiny little light in the distance. It’s way out there, but you finally believe you can reach it.
About 2 hours later I got another message, more of a small novel.
I must share with my amazing mentor and blessing of a friend
WARNING – it’s long
30 with incline
40 no incline with little more speed
7 slow walk-cool down
Thoughts in my head during my walk were: you only have one life live it for yourself! No one can live my life for me BUT ME AND ONLY ME!
I’ve had the honor and blessing of raising three beautiful children to which two are now in their own, and one that I have left to continue raising. I used to look at my children leaving as a sadness but lately I’ve been rethinking that perspective, and I need to look at it more as a success. They didn’t leave me , they went out to find their own path that was a hardest thing to realize and learn to accept and more so appreciate! as I was working out on the treadmill looking over at my daughters Navy graduation picture I realized I was part of her success in a little way, I raised her to be brave I raised her to be responsible, I raised her to speak her mind, I raised her to have goals and reach for them now its my turn I did the best I could and she is successful in what she does and I need to look at that and know my part in it! I miss her she’s no longer here she isn’t dead she’s just in another state and I need to look at that with more appreciation. She’s happy fulfilling her own dreams.
The other thing that was on my mind was my mother. In 2012 I lost her. losing her was like losing a part of me, I lost my my soul I lost my brick wall had been holding me up throughout my life. Losing mom was like someone took the ground out from under me. In just the way that I was living my life after her death; was not something my mom would have wanted for me. I am mom with daughters, I know I would never ever want that for my children. I know that they won’t forget me when my time comes. I’ll still be a part of their heart and I would never want them in the dark and the heavy gloom, despair and the negativity of in the pit I allowed myself to enter AND KEEP FALLING AND FADING INTO. So, now it’s time for me to live for me. I will still be a mom, I will still be a wife, I will still be a sister, a friend but right now the focus is healing my soul repairing my heart and looking forward . I am reclaiming my life, my reason for existing. I can’t keep walking the same path expecting a different outcome or destination Definitely not a better one. I have to change my route, I have to walk in a different path one of discomfort, a path of the unknown, a path of real challenges not just physical but mental and emotional , and right now I feel like I’m ready to take that on. I’m not afraid of what I look like right now, I’m not concerned of what people think when they see me. I don’t care because I don’t live their lives and they don’t mine. I have to live this for myself! You only get one life. Do what you were meant to do with it and that’s exactly my goal from here on out.
Time to come out of the dark!
My Other story is still full of hurt and a little anger maybe this is enough for now. Sorry to bombard you with the long winded thoughts.
I shed also a few tears when thinking of mom. Don’t know where that came from.
Will I be sore tomorrow and the next day. Heck yes but it’s my reminder that today is the first day of the REST of MY life! I just may roll out the red carpet when it arrives. 😄
Oh my goodness!! I am blown away. We have not yet spoke on the phone for any length of time, which is something I prefer to do early in a relationship like this. I like to be able to hear their voice and get a feel for what’s going on in their lives. This person and I have texted a lot with one very short call. I knew. I knew what was going on in their head when we first made contact. The growth that has already taken place is remarkable. This was my response.
wow wow wow
I’ve read this novel several times, tears every time!!
The outlook on your kids is spot on! You should be proud, very proud. You have every right to be proud because they are a product of YOU.
It’s ok to shed a tear for your Mom. You still miss her, and always will. My momma died nearly 10 years ago, I still shed tears because I miss her now and then. That’s healthy to do. Let it out. Holding that in is what got you in the darkest pit of despair.
THIS is your time! Time to kick and claw and fight out of that pit and shine like never before. Will you fail once in a while, yes, we all do. The difference is you will have tools to deal with that failure!
I could not be more proud of you. I wish I could hug your neck right now. And btw. In times like this you need to let this stuff out, feel free to text me. Ask if I’m available. Nothing like purging feelings and anger Huh?
How do you feel now, emotionally? Physically won’t kick in seriously until Monday..
End of text
There were a few more messages, mostly showing their gratitude for the guidance I provide, which aren’t crucial to my point of this blog.
My point of this blog is to show that the emotions we harbor or ‘tuck’ away DO hold you in bondage. They do hold you back in nearly every corner of your life. That bondage will drag you deeper and deeper into a pit of despair. That pit will grow deeper and you begin to think you can never get out. I know, because I was in that pit after my own Momma passed.
Knowing there is somebody at the top of that pit who has dropped a rope to help you out is often enough to begin the process of healing. Releasing that emotion does wonders for the soul. Releasing the emotions(you name the kind of emotion) doesn’t mean you forgot them or don’t care, it means you can face the emotions in a healthy manner. Learning and figuring out tools to deal with LIFE or look at life from a different angle is very helpful.
I’m not a trained professional, I use my personal experiences and that of a thousand people I talk to on this journey to help lift others up. Not to mention that I have a ‘personal board of directors’ who pray for the folks who ask for help. My PBOD know nothing about those who come for help, they just pray that God work through me and begin the healing process. I believe that God is doing the work, He’s just using me as the messenger.
Healthy inside and out, that’s the goal.